he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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