It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
