If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
