i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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