She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
