Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it's like iHOP with fire
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
