Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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