haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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