so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My vagina just clenched in fear
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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