If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
