Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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