it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
