You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
