His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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