apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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