I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
