I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
