I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
