I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
