I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
