lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
