If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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