theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
