Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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