I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
