You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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