super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
