he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
