I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
