I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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