I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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