Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
