Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
