thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
