I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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