Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
