remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
