I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
