i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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