as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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