I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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