I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
