I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
