Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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