Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
