Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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