just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I touched a dick in church today
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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