i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
