Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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