You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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