Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
